Pick The Seams Out
by anthfan
Summary: Post 5x05- Post ep fic dealing with what happened on the bridge. Kate's POV


They sat in the open bay of the bus. Gates had seen their injuries and called the medics before they could voice protest. However, they both defiantly refused to enter when it arrived, and received treatment sitting on the bumper. They were fine.

Castle had barely flinched when the EMT used antiseptic to clean the gash on his temple. He kept his gaze on the river where the divers were heading back to their boats, without Tyson's body.

Kate was next to him, responding with a firm shake of her head when the medic suggested she go to the hospital to get further treatment. With a rueful shrug of his shoulders he handed her a clipboard with the necessary forms to sign before she could go. He'd treated enough cops over the years to anticipate her response.

The wind coming off the river had made her fingers numb and the pen slipped from her grasp, coming to rest on the pavement to her right. She reached for it automatically and let out an involuntary grunt of pain. Her hand came up and covered her ribs and she bit her lip keep from crying out again.

She flashed back to Tyson, pushing the gun into her and taunting Castle. At the time, adrenaline had only allowed her to notice the pressure and the feeling of helplessness, any pain she felt hadn't registered.

But now the adrenaline had worn off, and it hurt, and she hadn't been expecting it. The shock of it took her breath away for a moment and she shut her eyes tight to regain control.

Castle's head had whipped around at the sound of her crying out and went white at the sight. The medic who had been standing relaxed jumped to attention and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Detective! What's wrong?" he demanded, trying to ease her hand away so he could look. "Were you hit?"

At his words Kate's head snapped up, confusion evident on her face. Then she heard a sound she hoped she'd never hear again as Castle's guttural 'No!' echoed around them. Then suddenly he was pushing the medic out of the way, and jerking her jacket aside, his hands all over her abdomen; searching and seeking.

"Kate! Tell me I didn't shoot you! Tell me you weren't hit." he pleaded, his voice breaking.

Ryan and Esposito came running when they heard Castle yell and only caught the end of what he said.

"Beckett's been hit?" Ryan said incredulously, as Esposito went still next to him.

The medic regained his composure and was now pushing back at Castle "Detective you need to step back so I can help your partner!"

Kate's throat was clogged and it took too long for her to find the ability to speak. Castle's frantic, desperate words had shocked her, and for just a moment she was back in that cemetery and he was bent over her while she bled out.

She swallowed heavily once, twice, and then opened her mouth to protest, to tell them she was fine. But before she could the boys were pulling Castle away and there were now two EMTs in front of her blocking him from her view.

"I'm fine." she said, her voice weak, and they paid her no notice. "I'm fine." she tried again, this time louder, and once again she was ignored. Their hands were on her, checking vitals, trying to find a nonexistent bullet wound, and she could feel a whine of panic start to work it's way up inside of her. She needed to get control of the situation.

"I was not shot!" she finally yelled, and one of the medics actually looked up at her. "I wasn't shot. It's just a bruise." she insisted, and before they could attempt any further exam she got to her feet and forced her way between them.

Castle stood ten feet away and was practically being supported by the boys. When his eyes fell on her they didn't seem to trust what they were seeing.

She went straight to him, not caring who saw, and he stumbled forward two steps until they were together. She captured his face in her hands and rose up on her toes so their foreheads could touch. "I'm fine." she whispered, "You didn't shoot me. You didn't. I promise." All that mattered at that moment was for her to do whatever she could to get that look off his face.

He was still tense, still didn't completely believe her, and she felt his hands rise slowly to rest on her waist.

"See." she said, grabbing his hand in hers and raising it so he could feel there was nothing wrong. "It's nothing. Just a bruise where he pushed the gun into me. It took me by surprise when I bent down."

He pulled back enough so that he could see her face. His eyes were broken. "I thought..." he began, his voice rough, "I thought I had shot you. I was careful. I made sure I didn't shoot him until you had moved, but maybe I did it too soon, maybe my aim was off, maybe I went too fast. I thought..." he was looking right through her, caught up in the scene from only a few hours earlier that was now replaying in his head.

"You didn't. You didn't." she assured him, and he looked at her then, acceptance finally beginning to creep it's way in. "You shot him, not me. You saved me."

His hand that she still held over her side began to move again and before she could stop him he was on his knees, pushing her shirt aside enough to see the bottom of her rib cage. She didn't protest. The touch wasn't intimate, it was so that he could empirically confirm what she had told him. When she shivered involuntarily from the cold air on her exposed skin he pulled it back down and put her jacket back in place before standing straight up and hauling her into his embrace.

She buried her face in his neck, feeling how tightly he clutched the fabric of her coat and the ragged breath he took before finally allowing his shoulders to release some of the tension they'd been holding for days.

They stayed like that for as long as she dared. Raising her head enough to see over Castle's back she saw Ryan and Esposito staring at them. She made eye contact with Espo. 'I'm ok.' she mouthed, and he gave her a stiff nod before turning away, but she didn't miss the hand that Ryan laid on his partner's back as they walked towards their car.

She pulled back so she could see Castle, his eyes were still shut tight, but when he opened them she could see he was better. "God, Kate...I can't..." he breathed, not being able the sentence.

She stole a quick glance around and saw Gates talking to the head of the search and rescue divers, her back to them, and before Kate could think herself out of it she pressed her mouth to his, quick and hard and so much less than what they needed, but it would have to do for now.

"I'm alive, and you're alive, and Tyson is..." she stopped as she saw his mouth open in protest, "Tyson is gone, for now." she conceded. She wanted Tyson to be dead, wanted to know that he would never be back to hurt them again. But as much as she didn't want to believe Castle, she knew that if anyone could pull off the theory he had put forth it would be Tyson. Ruling it out would be naive and potentially deadly.

One hand stroked along his jaw and then she forced herself to step back to a moderately professional distance. He gave her a tight smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, but his fingers tangled with hers and she didn't pull away.

They turned towards the scene, Ryan and Espo were leaning on their car, waiting. The divers were putting their gear away, and the EMTs had finally decided they were no longer needed and were pulling out.

"You two need a ride?" Ryan called out, nodding towards her sedan, still sitting where it had been almost pushed into the river. She let out a long sigh, the guys at the garage were not going to be pleased.

"Yeah, thanks." she responded, and tugged Castle's hand to get him moving, his gaze once again focused on the river bank and the empty boats.

"You comin', Castle?" she asked, with forced levity.

He followed without a word.

The ride back to the precinct was quiet. She sat in the back next to Castle, their linked hands a pale concession to what she really wanted.

By the time he had written a statement, talked to the D.A, and told his lawyer to agree with whatever Gates had planned it was approaching noon.

Kate was finishing the last of her paperwork when he appeared at her side.

"I already called the car service, they'll be downstairs in five." he sounded so tired, but his voice was strong and she knew that more than anything he wanted out of there.

"Let me turn this in and I'll be ready to go." there was no question whether they'd be leaving together. Not after today. Not after the last few days.

He didn't sit in his chair, instead he walked towards the elevator and purposely stood to the side, his attention focused on his phone as a distraction while he waited.

She grabbed her jacket and bag before shoving the last of the papers in the folder and dropping them on Esposito's desk. "Take care of this for me?" she more ordered than asked.

"No problem." he replied evenly before cutting his eyes to Castle, "He going to be ok?"

"Yeah. He will be." she answered and started to walk away

"Hey Beckett." Esposito said in a low voice, stopping her forward motion "I'm happy for you."

She gave him a smile "Thanks, Javi. I'm happy too." and then turned and kept walking before he could see the wetness in her eyes.

Castle was pushing the button for the elevator before she made it to his side. They were silent until the doors opened and they stepped into the thankfully empty space.

As soon as the doors slid shut his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her flush to his side. She let her head rest on his shoulder and let out a long breath. "Let's go home." she muttered softly into his jacket. The hand clenching at her waist was her answer.

She straightened up as the elevator slowed, but his hand found hers and she gave it a squeeze before they stepped out into the lobby. The mid-day light was glaring, and it hurt her gritty, tired eyes, but his car was waiting. The driver stood by the back door and he opened it when he saw them exit the building.

Normally she would have felt self-conscious about leaving the precinct in a chauffeured sedan, but not right then.

The back seat was blissfully dark, with the tinted windows and the privacy screen already up between them and the driver. As soon as the door was shut behind them Castle tugged her so close she was almost in his lap.

His mouth was on her immediately. Hungry and desperate and she responded in kind. He drew a ragged breath and captured her face between his palms, "God, Kate...I need..." and she knew. She knew exactly how he felt right then. It was every cell in his body crying out for release; emotionally and physically.

Adrenaline and composure could only get you so far. At some point you had to break. She usually did it in the shower, with the lights out and the curtain drawn, and never had she allowed anyone to witness.

It was her neck he attacked next, and the sensations were almost overwhelming. He almost made her forget every bit of training and experience she had and fall over the edge with him. When he began to push her jacket down her arms she came back to herself with a jolt.

With her hands planted on his shoulders she forced him back until he had to break contact with her skin. "Castle," she tried to sound strong, but it came out breathy instead. "Castle, stop."

"Kate, please." he pleaded, and the look in his eyes almost did her in again, but she knew they had to get through the next hour before he could succumb.

"Castle...Rick, look at me." and finally he focused on her "I know how you feel right now. I know why you need to do this right now, I feel it too. But we can't. Not yet."

He opened his mouth to protest and she laid two fingers over his lips to stop him. The shiver that went down her spine made her think it hadn't been the best decision.

"You need to see your mother and your daughter and let them know you're alright." her words had the desired effect and she could see a bit of the frenzy leave his face. "Then we can do this. I promise." her voice had become shakier as she spoke, her own fears and anxiety showing through, and she wiped unconsciously at wet eyes.

That action is what caught his attention.

"Oh, Kate." he said gently, and he sounded so much like himself she had to choke back a sob.

He pulled her down slowly until her head rested on his chest and wrapped his arms around her. The frantic need was gone.

They rode the rest of the way back to his loft like that, with his hands stroking through her hair and her listening to the steady thump of his heart.

She had almost fallen asleep by the time the car stopped. The static of the intercom and the driver's voice announcing they had arrived caused her to lift her head.

By the time the door was opened, she was sitting next to Castle with her clothes straight and hair smoothed.

She heard him thanking the driver and they nodded to the doorman, who had no doubt heard about Castle's arrest on the news, but there was no hint of it in his typically professional greeting.

The ride up to the loft was long and silent. She knew Castle was close to losing any composure he had managed to gather in the car and one wrong word could break him.

He dug in his pocket for his keys before the door even opened. The walk down the hallway was short and his hand only shook once before he worked the lock and they stepped in.

The first thing that greeted them was Alexis shouting "Dad!" and rushing across the room. He caught her in a hug trying not to squeeze her too tight. "I was so worried. And then Detective Ryan called and told us you were ok but something had happened with 3XK, and then we didn't know what was going on..." she said in one breath, wrapping her arms around her father's neck once again.

Kate had seen him tense at Tyson's moniker and watched him physically prepare himself to talk to his daughter. The set of his shoulders changed, he forced a smile on his face and tried to make his manner more relaxed, but she knew it was all an act, and she suspected Alexis knew as well.

Martha approached from the stairs, "Richard, darling, I'm so glad you're back." she said, opening her arms as he stepped away from Alexis and gave his mother a hug as well.

Kate had hung back, still not entirely used to being here with the rest of his family. It was becoming more natural, but at times like these she didn't quite know where she fit in their eyes.

Martha was in front of her then, her hand reaching up to hover over the gash on her cheekbone. "Oh, Kate. Are you alright dear?" But she didn't wait for a response before continuing "I can't begin to tell you how grateful we are for everything you did for Richard."

"Always." she answered automatically, not realizing what she had said, but Castle's head turned at her word and she saw a real smile on his face. "Always" she repeated, softer, and just for him.

Martha, perhaps purposefully, perhaps not, broke the moment by clapping her hands together enthusiastically and insisting they come into the kitchen to be fed while they told her and Alexis everything that had happened.

Castle came up next to her and slipped an arm around her shoulder, bending down to press a kiss into her hair. "I love you." he whispered softly and the breath caught in her throat.

She wanted to reply. She wanted to say the words back to him. She knew he didn't doubt it, but she wasn't going to have the first time be now with the detritus of Tyson still clinging to them.

She lifted her head to his jaw, "I know." she answered with a sly smile as she pressed her lips to him and she felt his low chuckle, her heart warming at the effect she could have on him.

Sitting at the kitchen counter they were plied with juice and food, and even though she couldn't taste it, she ate because she knew she should.

They recounted the last twenty four hours, with some details left out, like both of them emptying clips into Tyson's chest and the possibility that he may not be dead.

After assuring Alexis for the third time that the charges had been dropped and there would be no repercussions from his escape she gave her father once last hug and gathered her things to head back to her dorm.

Castle slumped in his chair when the door shut behind her and he pushed his half eaten plate of food away. Kate reached out and covered his hand where it had fisted over his thigh. He couldn't hold on much longer.

When she looked up she caught Martha looking right at her, and she knew the older woman understood as she gave Kate a small nod.

"Well darling, now that all the excitement is over I need to get back to my school." Martha said, already moving around the counter to buss a kiss on Castle's cheek before he could get up. "Take care of him, dear." she said to Kate before giving her a hug and sweeping out the door leaving them in silence.

They let the space settle around them before she realize the quiet would do more harm than good.

Sliding off the chair she toed off her boots and tugged his hand, moving them towards his room.

He followed without comment. But when they entered the doorway he stopped short. "The room was searched, right? For surveillance?" there was a slight edge of panic there, but mostly just anger.

She nodded slowly "Ryan did it himself, they didn't find anything." she assured him, but it didn't stop him from searching himself.

She watched as he opened drawers, and pulled back curtains, and moved the lamps.

"It's alright, he's not here."

"But he was." comes his clipped answer as he pulls a leather covered footstool over so he can get a few extra inches of height and feel along the top of a picture frame.

"Castle, stop." she says, moving finally and laying her hand on his bicep as he steps off the stool. "Yes. He was here to wipe your computer and plant the evidence in your bag, but that was it. He's gone now."

He shakes her off and runs frustrated hands through his hair. "No, Kate...you don't...you don't understand!" he growls, turning his back to her.

She comes up behind him, just close enough so he knows she's there. "What don't I understand?" something is pinging on her radar and she doesn't know what it is. He's kept something back. Something that Tyson said to him.

His shoulders slump, as if in defeat and when he speaks his voice is so low and broken she can hardly hear him. "He said he was in here." he stops himself and swallows heavily before going on "He said he was in here when we were here...when we were...together."

At first she doesn't understand. And then it hits her. All at once. Tyson had watched them, had been in the room, right where they were standing.

She gasps and brings her hand up to clasp over her mouth at the horror and then whips her head around, scanning the room as if he was still there.

"No." she says firmly, shaking her head, and blinking furiously to hold back tears. "No. You don't know that. He said it to screw with your head. To still have power over you. You know he was in here but he wasn't here then. Ok? Do you hear me? He wasn't." she advances on him as she speaks, clutching the lapels of his jacket and lamenting her decision to remove her boots as she now had to crane her neck up to look at him.

She didn't know for sure whether Tyson had or hadn't been there when they were or not, but she couldn't allow Castle to keep believing he had been. That would follow him forever.

She brought her hand to the side of his face and forced him to look at her. "It's just us in this room. Only us. It's only ever been us." Her voice broke, as the past few days crashed on her at once, her ability to hold it back was now completely gone.

"I was so scared. I thought...I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't know how to get you out." she was trembling now, and he pulled her in close to his chest, resting his chin on her head. "And on the bridge...when he had me...I was so angry at myself." she felt him pull away sharply at this but she didn't stop. "I knew if he shot me...if you saw that again..." and she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, and couldn't have if she wanted to since her throat was now clogged with the sobs she was quickly failing to keep at bay.

He sucked in a large gulp of air and then began tugging her jacket off her arms, all the while walking her backwards, expertly guiding her towards the bathroom.

He only let go of her long enough to reach a hand into the oversized shower and set the digital display as hot as possible. The steam began filling the room almost immediately and when her shirt and pants hit the floor she realized how cold she had been all day.

Then he was helping her in and he was there, right behind her, strong and alive and free.

The water was hot. Too hot, but she didn't care. He was wrapped around her and they just stood, in his ridiculously huge shower with the multiple heads.

She didn't even realize she was crying until she needed air and let out a heaving sob that almost bent her over. It had been that close to being over. Everything she'd finally accepted, and all the work she'd done, and all the good that they were together had almost vanished.

He turned her in his arms, hands skimming everywhere, coming to rest first at the scar between her breasts and then once again below her ribs where a bruise was beginning to form.

"So close." she saw him whisper, and before she could respond he was pushing her back against the water warmed tiles, his mouth demanding everything from her and she didn't fight him.

They reclaimed the bedroom as well, and as they lay in the silence later with her head on his chest and his hand trailing lazily up and down her bare arm she smiled as he laughed.

"You were actually going to break me out?" he asked again, and she knew without looking he had that cocky, full of himself grin on his face.

She gave a subdued shrug of her shoulders, "What other choice did I have?"

Letting out a contented sigh she flipped a length of damp hair out of her face and pressed a kiss to his chin, and before she really knew what she was doing she said what she was thinking.

"I love you."

His hand paused only momentarily as he registered what she said, and after taking a shaky breath herself she forced her eyes to meet his.

She didn't know what to expect. His hand came around to cup her cheek, being mindful of the cut, and he gave her a brilliant smile before rolling them over. "I know."


End file.
